I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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