The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just crazy horny about you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
