farters have to be the big spoon...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
