I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
