The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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