Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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