I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
