When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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