Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
