Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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