It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
