I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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