Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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