Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
