I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
