until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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