4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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