oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
