On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
