I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
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