My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
In America we eat man semen.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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