Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
