My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
