return my video game
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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