Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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