My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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