I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
