wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
where are my eyebrows?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
