is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize