I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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