I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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