I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
