i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
