if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
