One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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