Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
