I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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