Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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