No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
