Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
