I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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