i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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