I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
