I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
