In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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