did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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