Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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