Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
