You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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