apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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