Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
