when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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