You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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