Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
