cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
operation have a gay friend backfired
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
