We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
