Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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