I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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