My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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