Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
