she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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