He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
