Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
