We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
