I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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