My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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